We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize