holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
