Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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