I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
