My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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