what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
