I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
