Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You're a waste of cheezeits
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
