he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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