You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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