He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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