Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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