i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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