The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
