I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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