I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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