What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?