From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.