I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
