So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?