Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow