i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
