drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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