ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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