if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
im on a boat
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