i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
