I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
