Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
