I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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