Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
