its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
