I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
