Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
