walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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