was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
