i may or may not be watching the land before time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
