If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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