Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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