elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
