So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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