she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
