When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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