My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize