I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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