If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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