After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There r osticjed everywhere
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
