Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
