I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
