there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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