wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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