Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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