just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're completely useless in the revolution.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
