when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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