Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
