Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
