Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
