hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
