Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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