You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
