I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
