Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
