And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
