1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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