12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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