Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
