He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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