I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
