She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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