Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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