i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
