I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
