captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
