Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
