Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
