so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
