just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
