I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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