We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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