If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
