Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
