so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
