Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
