had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
