we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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